Time check : 3:59 P.M .

P.s. I'm not sure if you ever read my blog , but this post is dedicated to you .

Truthfully , you have been a really great boyfriend . Probably the best I've ever had in my whole 20 years of living . Remember when we first got together 3 years ago , I was so insecure but you stayed with me no matter what ?

I remember all the quarrels we had , all the late night conversations that I want you to have with me just so we won't go to sleep mad at each other . I always wanted to make up before we head to bed . But you were always complaining you were tired and wanna head to bed already . So I cried myself to sleep every time it happens .

• I remember all the times I begged you to stay , I know there are times where I get awfully demanding but I just want you to know that it's cause I just want you for myself , and no one else .
• I remember when you would drop by my house to wake me up and pei me but I'd get all mad at you for not informing me earlier even though I was the one who gave you my house keys .
• I remember all the times that you came to my house to meet me just cause I was too lazy to get up and go prepare to go out .
• I remember during our first anniversary you made a slideshow for us and kept it in a CD-Rom , that was my favourite gift (I never told you) . It was cheap , simple & sweet .
• I remember you knew how much I loved Domo so you'd draw them in the cards and letters you gave me .
• I remember when you'd bring me around to places to eat during our monthsaries just cause you knew how much I love to eat .
• I remember when I woke up late for school & you'd wait for me and drive me to school even if it means making you late together with me .
• I remember during special occasions like X'mas you'd bring me back to your family gatherings but I'd be too shy to interact with anyone else or even reject you at times .
• I remember you being the only one in your clique of 6 or 7 friends who doesn't get influenced to smoke , & I thank you for that .
• I remember how you'd ask me along to watch movies with your family out of nowhere , it made me feel like I was part of your family .

亲爱的♥ ，

我知道我们的爱已来到了终点 ... 但我还是想祝你生日快乐。今年不能陪你了... :'( 或许你已经有了新欢，我真诚地希望你能快乐。我有想过牵你的手到老，但是我不知道我们的爱情究竟法生了什么事。我也不想知道了 ... 只想让你知道如果你伤心或寂寞，你还是可以找我的。毕竟我们曾经有深深地爱过 ...

祝你永远幸福 ♥                            

29.07.10 的回忆

Time check : 2:30 A.M .


Alright so today is my birthday , and I couldn’t be more proud and ready for it . I'M FINALLY TWENTY BABEH . ^^v I've worked hard in the past year , & have seen and experienced a lot . I’ve seen the world change , people change , be it for the better or for the worst .

I've set a goal on this day to to challenge myself to learn a new skill this year and to perfect an old one . So what am I planning to do on this big day of mine ? I PARTIED !



Hahahaha okay maybe not . I'm not a party animal . I'm most probably just gonna rot at home like how I use to every day heh .

& Here's to that someone special , thank you for the rose & the card as well as the candy floss you bought ! Words can't even express what I'm feeling when I received it , all I could do was smile :') I'm honored you spend the effort , and I enjoyed every day that I spent with you . ♥

Time check : 6:05 A.M .



 Things I wanna do today :

• Read a book 
• Take a hot bath ✓
• Listen to happy songs
• Start watching a drama series
• Call a friend ✓
• Don't think about my problems ✓

It's always good to have a friend there for you when you're down . In a world where no one understands , it's good to find one who can understand what you're feeling . & I'm glad I have that friend with me .

As for you , yes you , I know there's no point in me thinking about it over and over again . So I will try to put that thought away . Let's go back to how things used to be . I'm sick of being down . Yes you can't unchanged what has happened before , but please change . Cause I believe it's worth a try . & that one try is all you've got .



Good nights & good morning lovelies xx .
Can this week just pass by quickly ?

Time check : 10 :12 P.M .



Sometimes , everything feels like it was just yesterday ; like graduations and goodbyes . The feeling you get when you're gonna be separated from your closest friend(s) and start life again with a whole new bunch of strangers who will come into your life .

I've never expect life to be stuck in the same monotonous routine . Waking up , going to school or work , having to face the people you strongly dislike on a daily basis , feeling worthless , and so used to being tired every single time .

You feel pressured by the work load you get every day , like there will never be an end to all of it . Life was so much easier as a kid .

• When I was younger , I'd put my arms in my shirt and told people I lost my arms .
• I would sleep with all the stuffed animals I got so none of them would get left out .
• I had that one pen with 4 colours , & tried to push all the buttons at once . 
• I would wait behind a door to scare someone , but soon leave because they were taking too long or I had to pee . 
• I would fake being asleep , so my dad would carry me to bed . 
• I would giggle whenever my dad tickles me with his moustache as he coax me to bed . 
• I used to think that the moon followed me wherever I go . 
• I would watch those 2 drops of rain rolls down the bus windows and pretend they were racing . 
• I used to swallow fruit seeds and get scared to death that they were going to grow in my tummy . 

Remember when we were kids and couldn't wait to grow up ? What were we thinkin' ?

Time check : 6:41 A.M .



Sigh , an emo night , blogging an emo post again . Sometimes I just wished I didn't have a brain . That way life would probably have been so much better . And all I have to think about is " What's for breakfast ? What's for lunch ? What's for dinner ? Time to sleep !" & the cycle repeats itself .

There's always so many things running through my mind . I feel like ranting every single day . But what do I get out of ranting ? Relieve ? Ridicules ? Sympathy ? Probably I would feel better for the next 2 hours or so . But , what's after that ?




I just don't understand how and why did that even happened . Have you no shame ? You knew he couldn't resist lust , you even warned me not to do it . But there you are , doing just the opposite . Ha ha ha .

It was a mistake to take a stroll in the park , our minds might have been occupied with other happier stuffs perhaps . I'm sorry for breaking down . I tried my best to control .  But I'm sorry I I couldn't . We both know that I'm not that strong .

Someone please pick up the pieces for me xx.

Time check : 12:01 A.M .



SO . Your ex has been talking to me again . Not only mind fucking me but even showing evidences of what you said to her . Now , who should I believe since I have already seen the truth ? What's more , she has been telling me all the things that she has done for you .

I was the one whom went to his house and comfort him cause of his dad condiction. Im the one whom went to his house and take care of him when his sick. Im the one whom cheer him up when he's sad. Im the one whom give him my ankleguard cause he said his ankle hurts. Then wad about you ? To me , you're just a passerby. Im willing to do anything just for him and even died for him. Scar on my wrist brings me back thousand of memories. All i want is trying to get him. Buying his favourite snacks and drink to his house. Asking about shih tzu cause he likes it. Didn't contact him for past few weeks is cause im dating a guy just to replace him but i can't do that. Whenever im with that guy , im thinking of him. Want to contact him but I've to tell myself not to.

Honestly , yesterday i went to his house to pass his mom Mother's Day present and brought him , his favourite food. All i say was his smile. And he stare at me , so i kept asking why he kept staring. I'm siting on the sofa while his lying on my chest while watching tv. He look at my phone gallery and saw that i still keep me and his pictures. But he kiss my cheek after that. After awhile , he said he wanna sleep. So im sleepy as well and i went to his room. I was lying on the bed and playing my game , all of a sudden he came and hug me frm the back. He came on top of me and ask me to hug him tight , so i asked him why. He said , just hug him tight. He kiss me and we make out. After , he sleeping beside me and i help him cover his blanket while watching him sleeping. That's wad happen ytd.

- Sincerely , your fucking ex .

First off , why are you telling me all the things that you did for him ? Need a trophy for that ? *clapclap*



Secondly , why do you keep repeating about the fact that you guys hugged and kissed that day ? Do you actually feel proud to be telling other people that, "Hey I just made out with my ex !" , which you later found that he actually treated you as a substitute .

Does that make you feel any better at all ? Like seriously ? Cause if that's the case then I have nothing else to say .


And to him : Do you really need me that much in your life since you have already got her ? She can give you everything that I can give you , and probably so much more . Ask yourself that honestly , do you really NEED me ?

My existence probably have caused you guys to quarrel a lot more . I'm so sick of hearing her voice , or seeing her face in my facebook msges , just cut her out for me .



This .gif sums up what I have to say .
Thanks for reading my rants people xx.

Time check : 9:40 P.M .


Sometimes I get so bored of life I really wonder what am I actually living for . All I ever do is slack at home all day and night , head to bed , wake up , and let the cycle repeats itself .

Recently , I received two letters from two different Unis . And guess what ? Both turned out unsuccessful & I wonder if this is a a form of way for them to earn quick money .

Yes , I've heard that applying for Uni is tough and it might take up to at least 10 applications just to get in since you're a diploma holder . But do I really need that education to make my life better ? I really don't know .

I was told after graduation I would naturally know where I want to go in life . And my conclusion is ? THEY'RE ALL BULLSHITS . Cause I STILL do not know where I wanna go in life .

Another troubled day .
Advice on what I should do pretty please xx.

Time check : 8:28 A.M .

Okay first off , LKMH IF YOU'RE READING THIS I'M SORRY LOL . Said to head to bed but I just can't sleep it's too bright !! Forgive me ! X:


I'm confused . 
You said you’re in love with me, but you have someone lingering around you . Humans make mistakes but how can I fix this relationship knowing that somebody is waiting on you ?

She’s the one who is willing to do everything for you , who would proudly call you hers even though you guys are not together and would do anything just to see you . But not me . To be honest , she might just be everything you need .

I don't know what to say or how to say it to you anymore , just simply disappointed .
You've once cheated , you're doing it again now , you will do it again in future . No doubts about that . & y'know what ? Look below .




Goodnight & good morning readers xx .

So..... I was bored and I went around searching for things to play with . And I made a pixel avatar of me ! Though I know it doesn't look quite like me but yeah I tried my best LOL . Don't ask me why does it look like it's sad even though it's an avatar . Maybe cause I'm just a sad life person in real life too . Laughs .

If you guys wanna play too here's the link:
http://www.icongenerators.net/pixelavatar.html ! C:

Current Mood : Fcuked up .




 Maybe that's how it should've been .

Time check : 5:15 P.M .
Warning ! This is gonna be quite a long and boring post about my past . Do not read if you're not interested . Thank you C:

Today is a very special day for all the woman who always seem too naggy but actually just wants the best for their kids . On this mothers' day , I wanna express some of the feelings I've never got the courage to say it out loud .

During my teenage years , I must say , I have hated my family . Probably more than anyone can expect . In my mind there are always thoughts of me running away from home . I've tried saving up money to get myself a room outside , and even thought of staying with my friends and how fun it will all be .

But the savings remain stagnant . Every time I save , I always end up spending away the money on buying gifts or treating meals to my friends , and of course buying stuffs that I do not need .

I only grew out of that " run away from home " thought after my sis got married and moved away . Which was then I finally got a room of my own in the house . I always wondered ; Why do I share the same room as my brother ? Aren't sisters suppose to be sharing rooms instead ? Maybe that was why I was never close with my sister .

All the scoldings and beatings that my Mom gave , has really made me hate her a lot but at the same time made me independent . I still remembered how I was thrown out of the house , together with all my clothes . I would be crying hysterically outside the door as my Mom watched me . After a short while , she would then leave the door open for me to let me in . I wished I was a better child for her .

I still remembered how my brother was the most pampered in the house , everything he wanted , he got it . Whereas my sister would always be the one receiving the beatings as she was the eldest child in the family and had to set a good example for us .

Being the middle child , I was often neglected . Yes of course , I was pampered once , as I was the brightest child in the family . I had the ability to learn things really quickly and got better grades than my siblings . But things changed after I hit Secondary School , as I got to know a few bad company .

I still remembered my Mom found cigarettes in my bag and I lied that they were my friends' . I still remembered being an accomplice for something that I should not have done cause of my peers' influence over me . I still remembered the shock on my parents' face as the police came down to my house to bring me back to their HQ .

The things that I shouldn't have done , I apologise for it Mom . There were some gut wrenching times in these short 20 years but whenever you saw me crying , you would always say, "阿妹啊，有什么事可以打电话还是 SMS 跟妈咪讲。" Even though she never really knew how to text she still wanted me to open up to her . Thank you Mom .

I have grown up a lot , even though it isn’t that evident . I’m fortunate to come home and hear my family snoring at the end of the day , even if we don’t see or communicate with each other , I am comforted by the fact that we are under the same roof and that gives me so much security and puts me at peace .

My heart swells up when I think about all the tears you’ve shed and all the things that you have done for me .
Thank you for going through all the tough pregnancies and eating nutritiously so that we could be born healthy .
Thanks for taking the time to sit me down as a kid and made sure I did my homework.
Thanks for always asking where I'm at and what time I'll be home. ( I'm sorry for the calls I've purposely not answered and the worries I've given you ) .
Thanks for giving me space when I needed it .
But lastly , thanks for never letting go of me and for that I can never repay you.

Thanks for the people who read the whole post xx.

Time check : 4.24 A.M .



Right . So my birthday is comingggg ~ ! Am I excited ? Oh , HELL NO . These are like my last few days of saying that I am still 1x years old . LE SIGH . Though I'm still not officially counted as an adult yet , it doesn't make me feel any younger at all I swear .

Life sure is gonna suck once you start being a working adult , no doubt about that . And if you ask if I have any plans on how I should celebrate my 20th birthday ? I have none . YAYYY . Not sure if I should be happy about it .

Cause #1 , no outings = no spending of money .
#2 , no plans = stay home ( eat & sleep all I want ) .
I don't have to wake up early to prepare to go out and everything . BUT , none of all those means no presents this year . WAAAA T.T

Then again , who needs presents right ? Shall just look on the bright side and enjoy my naps . Hopefully my family would be nice enough to bring me out for a delicious meal of something .

I hate it I hate it I hate it to face the reality every birthday.
I hate to see that nothing changed. I’m always alone.
It’s just I’m used to being alone. It’s totally fine.
But when my birthday comes it hurts the most.
I feel really alone, forgotten, I hate my birthday.
I feel like an existence who once lived in this world,
who is long dead and forgotten.
I wish I could be with one person on the most lonely day of my life.

Alrights , time to hit the sack ! Good night readers xx.
P.s. some how I think that I look like you in this picture .